April Fools, writing night

Here Without You, Revised for Crayola
~ A beautiful song completely butchered

19 years have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your specific shade
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
Because you were once "Orange Red"
And now they call you by some other creepy name

I'm here without you, Orange Red
But you're still in my subconscious mind
I think about you, Orange Red
Though I can't ever see you, for all time
I'm here without you, Orange Red
But you're still with me through other means
Because now, they call you "Vivid Tangerine"

The name just annoys me
As the children ask me to pass it, they don't know
I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing it
But I hope that it gets better as we go
Oh yeah, yeah

I'm here without you, Orange Red
But you're still in my hopes, with time
I think they might reintroduce you, Orange Red
Yes, I dream about that all the time
I'm here without you, Orange Red!
If I could only see you in my dreams
But they discontinued you and went to new extremes

Everything I know, no matter where I go
You won't be there, you won't ever be heard of
And when my memory fades, when I get Alzheimer's disease
It'll be hard, but it won't take away my love!

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm here without you, Orange Red
All I have now is this rhyme
19 years have passed now
And I have been bitter all this time
I'm here without you, Orange Red
But you're still with me through other means
But WHY DID THEY HAVE TO RENAME YOU "VIVID TANGERINE"?!!!

* Orange Red was created in 1949. In 1990 it was replaced with "Vivid Tangerine"

In summary...

I had a really weird day today. Okay, not WEIRD weird, like I've had in the past, but semi-weird and really eventful. It started out with me waking up 15 minutes before my alarm went off. I was all excited that I still had 15 minutes to spare, closed my eyes, thought, "Isn't it weird that it's light outside?" and opened my eyes in what felt like 3 seconds later, but was actually 30 minutes. I thought, "Drat-- I'm supposed to leave for work in like, 25 minutes", but I took a shower anyway and just showed up late for work. When I got there, I went to my boss, who was actually in a good mood for once and happy to see me. She was like, "Charissa! Hi!" And I was excited and said, "So, what do you want me to do?" "Actually, I don't have anything for you to do." Oh... "But Melissa does! She has a LOT for you to work on..." So I, all excited, because I have to be there for 3 hours, and I don't like being bored for three hours, go up to Melissa- "Melissa-- I heard that you have lots for me to do!" "Charissa! You did? Well, someone lied to you..." What? Maybe she's kidding... "No, really-- I have nothing for you to do." "I guess I can... go back to Kathy and ask if she has anything again..." So I go back to Kathy, call her a liar, and she says, "Well, I have a lot for you to do NEXT week, but nothing right now..." At this time I'm thinking, "I am NOT going home right now, I'm poor and I need these hours..." as she says, "So, let's ask Sheri if she has something for you to do..." Sheri does. I was kind of excited, kind of not, because Sheri sometimes has really scary tasks for me, such as "Do a literature review on so and so"-- I, before working here, had only heard of the term "literature review" in psychology for people who want to write papers who are working on their masters, so just the term scared me. Or, "Go on a hunt to find a COLORED scanner"-- apparently there are non-colored scanners?-- "And then pretened you know what you're doing and that you know where the building I'm going to send you to is, and scan this thing at 600 pixels per something you don't understand." But I've done all those things-- they were scary, took endless hours, but I did them-- so today when she said, "So, have you ever heard of the Veterans Heratige Program?" I was like, "No..." She said, "Oh... well, I'll have you do it, anyway. So, there's this program that the Library of Congress is putting on, and... do you remember our big project that we did last year in November?" You mean the one that took all of you PhD people an entire year to come up with and emplamented throughout the entire state, and how I had to spend literally 3 hours scratching my hands and making them bleed because we just HAD to have that flag put in that EXACT spot in the box of stuff we sent EVERY SINGLE LIBRARY IN INDIANA... yeah, I remember that... "Well, we want to take that National this year." Ambitious, I think. "So, here's the information on the Veteran's thing from the Library of Congress, and here's this year's Indiana's Logic Model"-- hold it right there--when I hear a word that scares me or a word I don't know, not only does it fly over my head, the entire sentence before, and pretty much everything you just told me that built up to that moment fly out of the trap door that's apparently always in my brain, and I forget everything you just tried to say to me. "I'm sorry-- what is this?" "Indiana's Logic Model." I can't begin to tell you how much I don't understand. "That means... nothing to me, Sheri." "Well, here's last's years logic model, and this is this year's." Yeah, I actually like you as a person-- most of the time, you don't scare me, but no matter how many times you try to explain it using that term, I'm not going to understand. So I just let her move on, because this conversation's going nowhere. "So, I need to know how to make these two mesh." "... Like, you want me to see how we can incorporate our model with the Veteran's thing?" "No, actually, you're not even going to use this logic model. We want to PARTNER with the Veterans." "And..." "There's a website for the Veteran's Program." "Oh, so if I go on the website, they'll be like, instructions on..." "No, you have to start from scratch and come up with a plan how to make OUR program go Nationally. The Veteran's Program is for just the veterans, but ours is focusing on both the soldiers and the families. " "...Okay..." "Do you get it?" Yes and no... "So, what I want from you is to take this information (info on the project) and find out how to take our project nationally, so that every library in America will do this, too. We need grants, we need partners, we need permits..." She lost me when she said "We need grants." I mean, I can barely take responsibility for my school grants-- and work study-- you know how proud I was of myself for just finding the building my work is in now? "I just stayed up all night, and my brain is fried, and I need ideas by noon, and you can bullet point them if it's easier, I just need a plan and I need it fast." Okay... so, in other words, you want me-- ME-- an undergrad, who has no experience, skill, or interest in public affairs, to take a program that took PhD graduates, civic leaders, and who knows who else a year to put together, and put it in National Spotlight... Yeah... remember yesterday when I cut up stickers? I want to cut up stickers again. That's more on my level... "Oh, and maybe facebook can somehow be involved? We need public awareness, so maybe they can put a banner on their thing somehow, I don't know how it works." Yeah-- remember the part where I don't know how this entire thing works, either? I remember. Why am I responsible for what seems like the entire future of this project? I'm not even going to do this in a future career, and I literally know NOTHING about anything. But it was my assignment, so I thought I'd do it to the best of my ability. I thought, "If we're going to partner with these people, I need a contact name." I found the name of the contact leader for colleges and universities. I e-mailed them asking for more information on how to create a partnership. I told them what our goals were-- I told them how it fit with their goals. I made it sound all professional. I didn't even get into much-- it was just a query e-mail. I got a list of all the organizations that they're already partnered with. 10 pages worth on Microsoft Word, if you wanted to know. Tomorrow I'll be going through all of them and seeing whether or not it would be good to partnership with them. I e-mailed various branches of the army, family groups, anyone who had not just state, but NATIONAL ties to large groups of people-- I used my work e-mail and gave them a link to our site so they would know I was the real thing. I even contacted the Congressman asking for resources. Three hours of all this work, and I was actually semi-excited that I had gotten as far as I had for knowing as little as I did. But then just now, I get an e-mail from the Veteran's Project people-- "We actually have too many partners-- we're going to get rid of what we have-- we've decided to only use people who want to ONLY pursue our goals. Thank-you for your interest, though." Now I know, I'm an undergrad-- they shouldn't have put me in charge of trying to set something up anyway-- but still-- my first thing that I actually try to do, and it completely fails. I feel like a failure right now. My boss was COUNTING on this partnership, and I just send a query email, and they're all, "Don't even think about it!!!" Now what am I going to do? Taking it nationally is just a bad idea right now, anyway. Remember how hard it was to take to all of Indiana? It was successful, but we don't have any real national partners that I'm aware of-- are we really going to get some company to think, "Wow, it worked once, and you only tried it once, but it's a really good idea, let's spend our money on that!" Yes, it was a success, but companies want more than that. We should do an area thing first-- maybe like, the midwest, or the "Ohio Valley"-- maybe like, 5 or 6 states that's big enough to aquire attention but small enough that we don't feel like we're in way over our heads. If it's a success there-- if other states heard, "Oh, remember how they were involved in that thing last year that was a huge success? Maybe we should have something like that, too!" Then we'd be more prepared-- have companies who are willing to take a chance on us. As it is now, we have like, 30 people working where I work- most of which are students like me. I think it's a great idea what we're doing, but that doesn't mean I expect other people to spend the resources they're given on us. It's just insane, and now like I said, I feel like a failure. There is no national library that is in charge of a state library in America-- I checked-- the closest thing we have is the Library of Congress, and they just rejected me-- so if we want this done all over America, we have to get every individual state to do it separately anyway. This is going to take a lot of time, and I can already see how it's going to turn out-- I'm going to do a bunch of work, it's going to account for nothing-- I'm going to go back to my boss saying, "So, this won't work", and it's just going to be a big waste of time, and I'm going to look that much worse at my job, which is usually entering data on a spreadsheet, or cutting out stickers. Oh well...

March 15th

Today was an important day for me. Some very horrible things have happened in my past today, along with some very amazing things. I'm grateful to all my friends that were able to come and celebrate with us today. It was a very good day. The weather was beautiful. I love warm weather. It makes me feel more alive. I really want to be outside whenever it's warm, even if it's just to sit. But sitting outside when you're in an apartment complex tends to creep people out, so I'll have to go somewhere else to do it. Like the Battlefield-- I love sitting at the Battlefield! No one's hardly ever there. It's a great place to be outside.
11 years ago, there was no daylight savings time, so I get an extra hour of March 15th. I really think Daylight Savings Time was a bad idea. I like it being light longer, but I think we should just keep it at that time all year round. I mean, really-- ancient civilizations would probably think, "What do you mean you change your time? What does that even mean?! How is that at all possible-- doesn't that get confusing?" I understand different time zones, but I really don't like changing time. Probably because I'm from Indiana, and we just started doing it.
I'm in a very... reflective mood tonight. I wonder if that's even the right word for it. The thing is, I've been given so much in my life, and what have I even used it for? It's been 11 years since everything started to happen-- I was only 13 at the time. You would think that after 11 years, I'd know how to handle everything and how to deal with everything. It seems like in some ways I've grown and in other ways I've regressed. I still feel like I've been changed for good (now I have the Wicked musical in my head), but what do I use that for? I'm actually not that unhappy with my life. I'm not that frustrated, and I don't have as much stress (or maybe I've just learned how to deal with it? Probably not...). But-- I just really wish I could see-- not into the future, but I wish I could understand some things that I really want to understand right now. Some things that have kind of kept me at a standstill. Perhaps I'm impatient-- prehaps I should have learned these lessons long ago, but I just chose not to-- but I really just... want to get it right. In my enthusiasm to do the right things, I don't want to actually end up making the wrong decisions. That makes more sense in my head than when I wrote it out. Like-- forgive me for making this parallel-- marriage-- it's something that we're told is the right thing to do, so a lot of people are so eager to fulfil that commandment that they end up making a thoughtless choice, and actually frustrated the end to what the commandment was for. I am terrified of doing that. I don't want to do that. I want to make-- informed decisions, so I decided on one thing, but at the same time, I know I'm doing it wrong, too. I just... wish I could see how to do this one thing. I say that, but I'm one of those people that says, "If I could only have this one thing, I'll never want anything ever again! Or until tomorrow, or rather, this afternoon, when I'll want something again." This is a rather long post for something that doesn't even make sense to most people reading it, and since it has multiple meanings, I'll just end here.

The Conversation I would have with my walls...

Tonight's prompt is write about a conversation you would have with one of your walls. So, here it is:

Write about a conversation that you would have with your walls.

Setting: The Watson’s house. Amanda comes downstairs after getting off the phone with Charissa. The rest of her family is sitting at the kitchen table playing Phase 10.

“So, we need to just kidnap Charissa and lock her up in Cassie’s room and make sure she just sleeps for like, 15 hours.”

Cassie placed a card down on the table. “Why?”

“Because I just got off the phone with her, and”

“Oh, so once again, she calls YOU and not me…”

“Yeah, she loves me better. But it’s a secret. (Not really, Cassie, you know I love you!)”

“Whatever, Amanda, she’s MY best friend!”

“What’s going on with Charissa?” Sister Watson yelled, not because of the argument so much as her wanting Amanda to get through the story so they could go back to the game and actually try to finish.

“She just had a conversation with her wall.”

Everyone stared at Amanda in disbelief. Finally Sister Watson spoke for everyone. “… What?”

“She just called and told me about a conversation she just had… with her wall.”

Again the stares. “Is she all right upstairs?”

“Well, apparently not, Mom, she just had a conversation WITH A WALL.”

“And what did this wall say to her?” Cassie asked, confused and semi-interested in the mental state of her best friend.

“It laughed.”

“What?”

“It laughed! Charissa got up from bed to go to the bathroom, and as she walked through the door, she heard laughing.”

Again, more stares.

“That’s what she thought, too. Actually, she thought someone was hiding in her room, almost peed her pants. So, she grabbed her shoe that was in the hallway, and she like, approached her closet door and opened it really fast, and threw her shoe, as hard as she could, inside of it.”

“Because that will save her if someone’s hiding in her closet” Melissa said.

“I know. We like, have magical shoes or something. ANYWAY, after she throws this shoe in her closet, she screams and looks up, and no one’s there.”

“So, she just went insane,” Aaron commented.

“Apparently. But then—THEN, she heard someone laugh even more.”

Sister Watson was still confused. “Was she fully awake? Was this a dream that she had?”

“No! That’s what I said—honey, go back to sleep or something—but she swears she was awake. Anyway, she turns around, and thinks, ‘They must be under my bed.’”

“See, at this point, I’d be calling the police and running away screaming,” Melissa announced.

“Yeah, me too- what if someone really was under her bed? I told her she’d be murdered, and then we’re going to have to track that guy down and murder him, and that could take a lot of time, and I have to student teach.”

“So, she checked under her bed?” asked Cassie.

“Yeah—and no one there. And there’s not a lot of places to hide, either—just basically in her closet and under her bed, so she was really confused. And then she heard it again, and she asked, ‘Where are you’, kind of freaked out, and she heard the wall say, ‘I’ve always been here. Up until this week, your room has always been dirty, so you couldn’t hear me, but now apparently you can.’” She said it reminded her of when the box laughed at Audrey and she ran away into her car and she’s spending the night at her mom’s house.”

Everyone in the room just stopped. Complete and total silence. Finally, Melissa said, “… Okay…” More silence. Then, “So, who’s turn is it?”

“Cassie went last.”
”So, it’s Aaron’s?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, goodnight, everyone!” Amanda turned back and walked upstairs. Random things happen in her group of friends, it wasn’t at all unusual to tell a creepy story about horrible or unusual things happening and then go right on with whatever you were doing before the story began. That’s the way it worked with them. Amanda smiled to herself. “I love my group of friends.”

It's still March!

Just so you all know, it's still March, and it's going to be for the next 20 days. How exciting is that?! In a little under 3 weeks, our friend Stephen will get home from his mission! I can't believe it's been two years, and I can't believe it's ONLY be two years. Probably because of guilt. "Wow, we should really write Stephen. Oops." Thinking that every day for two years, no wonder it seems like a long time! I e-mailed him today and told him that he had better e-mail us and tell us when his flight comes in. And that the Watsons ate all his cookies. We really have to send that package by the end of the week! Or else it won't get to him on time. That being said, the reason for me writing this blog was two things: 1, to celebrate the fact that it is still March. Sunday we're going to have our "Yay it's March 15th!" Party that we have every year. Yes, we have a "Yay it's March!" and a "Yay it's March 15th!" party. My group of friends will use any excuse we can to have a celebration. "Look, you're wearing green! And I'm wearing green! Party!" So we might not be THAT bad-- okay, maybe we are... but it is exciting that there's definite greenage outside! And the second-- Shean's a big fat liar. I can't even say that-- he's a small, skinny liar! Skinny liar, Shean! There, that was my comeback. Skinny liar pants! Okay, now I'm done. Bye!

Writing Club- March 4th, 2009

March 4, 2009 Writing Prompt

What I would miss most if I went back into the 1800s…
The setting is… the 1800’s. Jordan, Shean, Amanda, Morgan, Cassie, and Charissa have gone on an adventure with Audrey after she fixed her time machine and attempted to return home.

“Wait, what do you mean I can’t talk to anybody?” Charissa asked, as she was standing out in the middle of the street. The rest of her friends had already crossed, and were waiting for her, but there she remained, frozen to the dirt road that she stood uncomfortably on (uncomfortably because of the women’s shoes that were popular of the time).
Jordan turned back to escort her friend safely to the other side. In other words, she pushed her out of the street. “You’re going to get killed!”
“They don’t have cars here.”
“But they have horses, and very heavy wagons, Charissa—those can be dangerous, too!”
Charissa started to protest out of habit, but then realized that she agreed. “That’s true. My great-great aunt actually was killed in a buggy accident. But still—how do you die in a buggy accident?! I don’t understand that at all!”
Audrey at this time was losing patience. “Charissa, time traveling can be a dangerous place. And I am NOT going to try to scoop up whatever gets flattened if you stand in the middle of the road like that again.”
“But I don’t understand!”
“Big things can flatten you, WHAT’S SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND!!!”
“No, not that—this!” Charissa’s friends just stood there on the side walk, waiting for her to finish explaining.
“Ice Age, Paul?” asked Amanda.
“For real, what is she talking about?” others asked.
“I’m talking about THIS!!!” Charissa showed them the object she was holding in her hand.
“Your… phone.”
“Yes!”
“… What about your phone?”
“It doesn’t work here!”
“Well of course it doesn’t work here, Charissa, there are no phone lines.” Amanda was using her teacher voice.
“But it’s a cell phone!”
“That means nothing, Charissa!” Audrey chimed in. “Haven’t you ever been through a tunnel?”
“But we’re not in a tunnel!”
“I know- I’m just saying—you know how when you go through a tunnel, and your phone doesn’t work? And why doesn’t it work… because…”
“Because… it hates me?”
“Yes, but also because…”
“No, that’s it. I think it’s just that it hates her.” Shean joined the conversation. “It hates her because she once thought it was made of chocolate and she tried to eat it, but then she realized it was made of metal, and it couldn’t be eaten, and ever since then, her phone has been scared that she would try to eat it again. And that’s also why her phone never works, because it’s scared that she’ll start talking and then see her phone and think, “Mmm, CHOCOLATE!” And then eat it.
The rest of Charissa’s friends muttered in agreement.
“Well, at least that made up FAKE story admits that the reason why no one can understand me is because my phone is bad.”
“No, I said your phone was SCARED, Charissa, and it’s actually because you mumble.”
“I DON’T MUMBLE! You can’t mumble and yell!”
“I used to think that, too, Charissa, and then I met you…”
“You know, whatever the reason is, I don’t have my phone, and now I can’t talk to anybody, and I’m sad.”
Audrey looked confused. “Who else do you ever talk to, Charissa? Because we’re all here.”
Charissa thought about that for a second. “Very true.”
Just then, she heard the ring tone to “Why”
“Hello? Yeah. Well, I’m still in the 1800’s. Yeah, we’re just sightseeing. I’ll be home soon. AND WHEN I DO, I GET DIBS ON MY GAME! Yes I do!!! No, you see—I have been stuck in the 21st century for all of these years, and I get AT LEAST the next 4 on the PS 201. Okay. See you soon. Goodbye.”
Audrey hung up her phone, and the rest of her friends just stared at her. Suddenly, she felt very self conscious. “What?”
“Why does your phone work and not mine?”
“Because it likes me better.”
“Or, because she’s from the future,” Jordan said.
“How else was I supposed to keep in contact with my family, Charissa, since I couldn’t see them for all of these years?”
“But… my phone…”
“That’s why I win.” Audrey said, and she turned and walked away. The rest of Charissa’s friends followed.
“But… but… no! I win. I do! I… won,” she said, in her Charissa English. And she ran to catch up with her friends.

YAY IT'S MARCH!!!

I love March! I really do. So many awesome things happen in March. In fact, just this year alone:
-It's not February anymore, so one of my friends is happy.
-My two sisters and my two step-sisters will turn 26, 23, 22, and 21.
-Daylight Savings Time will make it so that it's light outside when it's almost 8:00.
-It's going to be SPRING!!! That's the start of the warm time! I really love the warm time.
-It should at least get 10-20 degrees warmer on average toward the end of the month! Hence the warm time.
-Shean's one year anniversary is coming up for being a member of the Church.
-I'll hopefully get started with my pre-internship at a children's hospital in Indy!
-SPRING BREAK!!! It's going to be so much fun, just BEING on Spring Break.
-I'll be able to get some really good work experience to put on my resume, even if it means driving up to Fort Wayne this Saturday by myself and getting lost.
-The Hana Kimi special I ordered will come!
-Other stuff I ordered will come!
- Perhaps we'll be able to take walks outside in the graveyards or in the rain, or anywhere at all, because it will be warm!
-Maybe we'll get to see half wolf puppies, or go to Wolf Park, or star gaze!
And finally, it's just March, and March is the best month ever anyway, even without all those reasons. And then after March, it's April! See-- you think, "Oh my gosh, what's after March? April! April's after March! And April's warm, too!!!" So it's not like you are excited for just one month and then it'll get cold again, because this is the START of the warm time! This warm-time is going to be so awesome.

Writing club, Jan 28th (my half birthday)

Today's prompt was "everyone writes 6 food ingredients and put it in a pile, and draw 6 other ones, and then make a receipe out of it!" I so spelled recipe wrong...


Eggs
Vanilla ice cream
Flour
White sugar
Soy sauce
Pine apple

Commercial music from the 90’s… “Mm you got to love it, the incredible edible egg”

Talk show host 1: Ladies and Gentlemen, have I got a treat for you! We all love eggs, right?

Audience: Applauds

Talk show host 2: Everybody loves eggs.

Talk show host 1: Everybody does love eggs. And what’s not to love? I mean, they’re cheap—
they’re convenient—and they’re good for you.

Audience: Applauds again

Talk show host 2: Everybody loves eggs.

Talk show host 1: And today, we’re going to show you what you can do with just half a carton of eggs, a pint of vanilla ice cream, and some other common household baking items that you can find in your very own fridge.

Talk show host 2: That’s right, come around the table here, and we’ll see what Chef Paulo has to say about how to turn something inexpensive and healthy into a delicious snack.

Host 1: Thank-you for being here, Chef Paulo.

Chef Paulo: Thank-you for having me. Yes, Host 1, this is one of my favorite dishes to make, because it is so easy, and it tastes so good, and people will come over to your house, and they’ll say, “What is this?! Where did you get it—which STORE did you buy it from?” And of course, you say, “I bought it from Chef Paulo” haha…

Audience: Laughs

Host 1: So, Chef Paulo—how do you actually make these? I mean, from ice cream, right? Vanilla ice cream and…

Paulo: Yes—vanilla ice cream, and eggs. All you do—here—I share this secret with you, #1. With you, and with this audience alone, because this recipe is too good to keep to myself.

Host 1: You’ve got to share it.

Paulo: That’s right—you have to share these kinds of things with the world. It’s too good to keep just for me.

Host 2: So, do you put the eggs in first?

Paulo: No, no—you don’t PUT the eggs in anywhere—not yet. You leave them to the side.

Host 2: To the side?

Paulo: Yes, to the side.

Host 1: So you just crack them open, and put them to the side.

Paulo: No, I’ll show you-- you crack open three eggs, and scramble them, and put them to the side—just like this. Then you crack open the other three eggs and put them into the bowl.

Host 2: You don’t scramble them yet?

Paulo: No, not yet—You don’t scramble them yet—just put them with the scrambled eggs, and put the eggs off to the side.

Host 2: Is that because… why? Does it—does it really change anything?

Paulo: Oh, it changes everything.

Host 1: Really?

Paulo: Oh, it changes everything. Everything!

Host 1: Okay, now that we have the eggs to the side

Paulo: To the side…

Host 1: Now that the eggs are put to the side, what… what’s next?

Paulo: Well, the next step is the trickiest step, which is good news, because it’s not even tricky at all!

Host 1: It’s the trickiest step, and it’s not even tricky at all.

Paulo: Exactly—that’s what makes this such a great dish to make in your own home.

Host 1: Okay, so what’s next?

Paulo: Well, you take 1/3 cup flour

Host 2: White flour?

Paulo: White flour.

Host 1: (Towards host 2) White flour—really? White flour? What other flour would you be using?

Host 2: Well, there are other types of flour.

Paulo: Let’s not fight—we’re making GREATNESS!

Host 1: That’s right—we’re making greatness. So what’s next—white… sorry—white flour.

Paulo: Yes, white flour—a third of a cup—1/4 cup of soy sauce

Host 1: Oh, I love soy sauce.

Paulo: Got to have the soy sauce—and the sugar—the sugar comes RIGHT after the soy sauce.

Host 1: How much sugar do you put in?

Paulo: Oh, as much as you like. That’s another reason why this dish is so great—it can be adjusted to your particular taste.

Host 1: That’s right, because maybe I like more sugar than my neighbor does.

Paulo: Exactly. This is why we leave the sugar up to you. And then—THEN—you put the eggs in.

Host 1: Just mix it in?

Paulo: Just mix it all in. Until it all looks yellow.

Host 1: Oh, our audience loves yellow.

Paulo: This is something the audience will like. (Continues stirring). And then, then we come to the second to last step.

Host 1: See how easy it is to make so far?

Paulo: Oh, Paulo likes things that are easy to make… And now—see it’s all yellow? Put in the
entire pint of vanilla ice cream

Audience: Oos and Aahs

Host 2: Yeah—that’s what I’m talking about.

Paulo: And then—to top it all off—some fresh pineapple.

Host 1: THAT looks wonderful. Doesn’t that look delicious?!

Paulo: Of course, you can substitute—used canned instead of fresh. But Paulo likes to use the fresh.

Host 1: And we love you for using the fresh. We are actually all out of time, but once again, we just like to say, thank-you for coming on the show—that looks GREAT—and let’s get a look at this—the Egg Desert—is that a good name for it?

Paulo: That’s a good name for it.

Host 1: I think so—because that’s what it is. And remember, it’s fast—it’s cheap—and it’s healthy. Thank-you so much, and we’ll see you next time.

· Camera pans out, with the audience applausing and the two hosts eating the Egg Desert.

In this place...

I blame all of my friends. They dragged me out the door before I could hit the "buy" button on ebay, and now it's Sunday, so I can't buy the movies I want! I'll have to magically buy them on Monday without them knowing.
I'm really excited for the Asian tv shows I bought: Ryuusei no kizuna, Oh My Girl, and Yakuso to Kenji. Yakuso to kenji was kind of a mix between My Boss, My Hero and Oh My Girl. Now I want pudding. I walked away from buying pudding at Target today. It was hard. I walked away and then walked back and stared at it. The other people in the aisle must ave been scared.
My car iced over at least twice today, and I thought I lost the gloves that I just bought, but in reality, I was just stupid and forgot to bring them. I also didn't wear my hat, because I thought, "It would mess up my hair" and I was in a dress. I should have realized that nothing I do will ever make my hair look good, so do whatever is warm.
I didn't get anything done that I wanted to today-- like, literally not a thing, but that will make Monday more fun. Actually, that's not true-- I did sleep in until almost noon. I thought it was almost 11. I really hate winter. My body wants to hibernate. Perhaps I'm a bear.
"Bear" and "Measure" are both spelled with "ea", and "bury" and "marry" are used in the same song because they rhyme. Sorry, Morgan-chan.
I really don't know how I'm going to like this semester. I have to read a dirty book for one of my classes-- the last class of the day, no less, that ends at 6:00, so it makes me even more depressed that THAT is how my day ends. But I'm just whining and I'll get over it.
I'm really impressed that none of my friends were frostbitten. That I know of.
Long underwear works really well.
It's worth the money to keep warm in the winter. Maybe someday when I move to where it's warm year round, I'll save money on gas, too.
I should be asleep, but I'm making something that takes an hour and 15 minutes to cook. But I'm making it, anyway. People lack in judgement when they're tired.
I'm scared of mice because they move so fast that your mind doesn't even know what it is until you can't see it anymore. I'm scared of snakes because nothing should be born in that shape. I'm scared of deer because people don't realize how big they are in real life. And because I hit one once. I've never been able to share drinks with people. Not even when I was young. My brother really aggrivates me right now. I don't know what I can do for him, but I feel like I should at least try to do something.
I want to visit Chicago and see the Canadian Consulate. I also really want to go to Australia. Maybe that's where I'll move to when I get older.
That's really all.

Writing Club, 02/13/09

This week we all wrote a story idea on a piece of paper and then drew someone else's idea from a hat. The one I drew was:

“The main character wakes up the ‘day after prom’, except learns that he/she is actually 50 and has forgotten 33 years of his/her life. Amnesia on steroids, if you will.

What do you mean? This isn’t my face. This isn’t my face at all. No it isn’t. Why is this such a hard concept for everyone else to grasp? I know my face—this isn’t it. It isn’t…
I take a closer look in the mirror. Well, it’s kind of my face. It kind of reminds me of my grandmother’s face, except I know it’s not her. It can’t be me—I’m 17! 17-year-olds don’t have that face.
Try to remember what I did last night… last night was prom. Last night I was dancing with Mac. I was actually dancing with Mac! I can’t believe it. He even talked to me. He said, “Hey.” To me! To ME, he said “hey”! Then I said “hey” back, and then he said, “So, I noticed you didn’t bring a date”, and I thought how much easier it would have been if he had just said, “So, I noticed you were a big loser”, because then at least I could have run away and cried about how the guy I’ve had a crush on for over a year finally paid attention to me, and that’s what I am. Instead he says, “So, I noticed you didn’t bring a date”. What am I supposed to say to that?!
“Um, yeah.” I shift feet uncomfortably. What an awkward conversation. He steps up.
“So… you want to dance?”
“I want to dance and marry you and be your girlfriend!” I think. But gratefully I can’t really talk to the guys I like, or I probably would have said that out loud. “I can’t really dance”, I say.
“Oh, I don’t care,” he says, nonchalantly. “Nobody really can.” And then I danced with him. I don’t remember what I said or if he really talked, or if when he did talk I said anything at all, but I danced with him! Totally the start of a whole new chapter in my life. Too bad we’re graduating the week after next, but I hear he’s getting into UCLA, and I can completely be a stalker in California since the weather’s warm.
But wait… that’s right… they’re telling me I’m 50-years-old! I can’t be 50. I still remember what it’s like to be 15! I WAS just 15! This is really my luck.
Wait—if I’m 50—I mean, if I’m REALLY 50… then I don’t have to go back to school, right? I graduated, right? Hopefully. I have this wedding ring on my finger. Wait—a WEDDING RING on my finger?! I got married?!?! Was it Mac?! It can’t be Mac. I mean, we were starting a new level in our relationship, but still—UCLA, and I’m not really a stalker. I’d be a horrible one. That means I fell in love and got married… unless I didn’t fall in love… maybe I just settled. Did I just settle?! How horrible would that have been!
If I got married, then maybe I had kids. I should ask that, but I’m not really sure I want to know. What if I did have kids? What if I only had one kid, and that kid lived to be 20 and then got hit by a train or sucked into a volcano, and it was so traumatic, and THAT’S why I can’t remember anything?! What a horrible life I probably had! What if I never had any kids? That would be pretty bad, too. What if I didn’t even adopt or anything? What if I’m poor? What if I’m a bum! What if I don’t do anything with my life and my husband tried to throw me off a cliff to get rid of me! How would I even know what my husband is like?! What if I didn’t do anything that I thought I would do with my life?! I don’t want to know, if that’s the case!
But I can’t NOT know. I have so many questions. What happened to my favorite television show? Is it on DVD, and if it is, can I watch it? What happened to my friends? Did my brother ever get out of jail?! Wait—I don’t have a brother in jail. That wasn’t me. How random. I wonder why I said that. What if I did something really amazing and now everyone knows who I am? I’m not sure I actually WANT to be famous. But seriously, I don’t get it. Yesterday, I was 17, and now I’m 50. My MOM wasn’t even 50. Am I like her at all? Where is she living now? Has she seen me?
I have so many questions. I hear voices outside the door—they’re getting closer. One of them I don’t recognize. Could it be my husband? Have they told him I’m awake, and now he’s come to see me? The door is opening—I guess I’m about to figure it out.

Writing Club, Jan 8

We did the "Pass the Story" thing again, but this time we started with a dream that we had, and let it go from there. I think it's funny, because you can tell who wrote what. And isn't is not spelled issent, Aaro-kun!

Pass-the-story
We couldn’t get out. They wouldn’t let us. We hadn’t seen our families in weeks, perhaps months. We couldn’t keep this up—couldn’t stay here forever. The boredom itself would be…

“Dr. Shultz—paging Dr. Shultz… please come to the third floor lobby…”

I cracked the door open and looked around. Now was my chance. They’d probably catch me, anyway, but a little break wouldn’t hurt anybody. I made sure no one was watching and made my way to the stairs that lead to the roof. That’s where I met the boy—the boy who just sat there and stared. “Hello?” I asked. He said nothing. “Hello” I said again, not thinking he had heard me.

“He can’t hear you,” a dark voice hissed. I turned around and framed in the doorway was the scariest looking girl I had ever seen. She was tall and fiercely beautiful, and she was angry.

“ What? Why can’t he hear me?”

“ The doctors took out his ear drums. He can’t hear anything anymore. It’s like if someone were to take out your vocal chords you couldn’t talk… or if something precious were taken away from you.” She looked back over at the boy, “so he just sits there, and he tries to hear a sound… any sound that could bring him back.” Then he grabbed me. It hurt so much. I felt bad for him, but it hurt. I yanked my arm away and as I looked down at my bruised arm, I heard a loud scream. I looked up at the boy and instead of the defenseless little boy, I saw the face of that petrified, horrid, scary girl. This morbid creation of darkness had something in her mouth. It was some sort of meat… Then, I smelled it. It was the stench of caribou. I looked harder and realized that I was looking in a mirror and that scary caribou eater was me, Charissa Faith Darland. I fell back in shock. What was happening? Maybe Shean was right… maybe I did eat my parents. Audrey, Aaron, Cassie, Morgan…all said he was right, but I thought they were being jerks. They were all right! What can I do now? I can’t go on like this. I don’t know what to do?!?
“Mrs. Darland? Are you okay? Mrs. Darland? Nurse! I need a nurse!!! She’s going into psychiatric arrest! Get me the heptic-sal! STAT!” the doctor was screaming but I could only see the other me in the mirror the “true” me. “Doctor? She has officially entered false-death.” False-death? You mean like the guy in mars? That only happens to the fictional people. Does this mean I’m not real? “Doctor she’s fading!” maybe if I just slip into the darkness it would be better if I went away. “We’re losing her! SOMEONE GET IN HERE NOW!” the light is getting farther away all I see is….

…Green. Green, green skies all over my plane of view. Light green clouds, sea foam green skies. What was this? Had I died? Was this some kind of metaphor for reality-challenged? AM I reality challenged? Or is this reality? Maybe I should just accept myself and then these green skies would BE my reality. I really like green. I was lying in green grass. As I stood up, I could see I was in an odd position. In a valley oasis with a small village of bright blue houses on the mountain side about a day’s journey from where I stood. As I looked around I could see a garden of flowers in all the colors that the rainbow was missing. How had I never seen these colors before??? Had I been blind my entire life? Was this what it had come too? Beside the garden, (as I looked at the garden there were acres and acres of these flowers spreading almost entirely through the oasis) there was a small cottage that was yellow and the flowers were fenced in with a matching yellow fence. I could get used to this, I thought. Then I noticed: the extensive garden of amazing flowers with all its pathways built in were being tended by hundreds of caribou walking upright and speaking my own gibberish language.

I could REALLY feel at home here.

And then I realized, as a soft breeze started, as I walked towards the house, that this WAS my home. It was my reality and by golly, I was glad to be home with enough meat and flowers to go around.

Fears

First of all, I haven't addressed the issue of river dolphins. That's what the picture is about on my page. They exist, you know-- freshwater river dolphins. Some look more like salt water dolphins than others-- some are pink. Pink dolphins! For the longest time, I thought the word was actually dolophins. And by "the longest time", I mean probably a year or two ago, when I was looking it up. I mention this because I've never seen an ocean, and I have many dreams where I see creatures of the sea. Creatures like dolphins or whales, or even sharks and-- no, for the sake of Audrey, I won't mention what else-- but they're usually in the wabash river or Lake Michigan. I have lots of dreams where I'm driving on a bridge over the wabash and I see dolphins, and I think, "Wow-- dolphins! Isn't it cool how they introduced those kinds of creatures to Indiana? I think that was a great idea." And of course it makes sense, because it's a dream. But they should in Lake Michigan. It's a big enough lake. People say it would change the environment of the lake, and yes it would, but so? If river dolphins are dying out, then why not introduce them to a place that has lots of room and fish to eat? Pollution-- I'll give you that. But still. But that's not actually what this post is about. I labeled it "Fears", because a friend of mine and I were talking about the fears we have. I have fears, and then I have things that completely terrify me to the core. So, to make things brief-- here's some of the thigns that completely terrify me that I'll actually admit to:

#1- Heights: I am scared of heights. When I was about nine, my grandparents took us to a zoo. My sisters and brother went on an elephant ride, but I was too scared to. I really wished I wasn't so scared of heights so I could go on that ride with them, but still, I was scared. After the ride was over, my dad said he'd go on a giraffe ride with me. I thought, "This is my second chance!" He paid for our tickets, and we waited in line. When it was our turn, my dad got on first. I stepped up to get on, and I froze. I couldn't do it. Even after all my psyching myself up, I couldn't do it. My dad kept saying, "Charissa-- do you really think I'll let you fall?" I thought, "Not on purpose, but you'll be up there with me, so it's not exactly like you have a lot of control about the whole gravity thing." After a few minutes of people trying to get me on, they gave up, and we left. My dad said he wasn't mad about the money-- he just wanted me to get the experience. But still, it wasn't something I could do. I've been afraid of heights as long as I can remember.
It's one of those things that completely terrifies me, because I don't think it's that horrible until I'm actually there, and suddenly, I can't even move. I used to be scared of escalators for the same reason.

#2- What else completely terrifies me (that I'll actually admit to)... devils. Yes, those pictures of demons who have horns is a little scary, but I'm talking about the real ones-- the ones who can take over people's bodies or who can just appear or be evil. My worst nightmares are the ones where devils are present. For many reasons, it completely terrifies me. But I imagine they would terrify almost anyone. Maybe not.

#3- Not being in control of my body-- I have this thing where my mind tends to wake up before my body wakes up. If you've had that happen, you will probably understand how terrifying that actually is-- if you've never had it happen, it probably (or hopefully) won't ever happen to you. Everyone's body produces a chemical that paralyzes them when they're asleep so they won't act out their dreams (like sleep walk). When you're ready to wake up, your body stops producing that chemical so you can move again. My body must be a little slow, because I doubt my mind is that fast. Often I wake up and I'm not able to move or hear anyone. I can't even open my eyes. The only thing I can control is breathing. It's amazing how heavy your body feels. Usually if someone touches you, even if your in this state, the chemical will wear off and you can move again. But usually I have to try several times to break free from it, and sometimes it doesn't work, and I try to fall back to sleep. The first time this ever happened to me, I was 13. It wasn't long after my parents told us they were splitting up, and my dad took us on a trip to Utah to "spend family time". I was riding in the van, and I woke up, and I couldn't move. I remember us taking a turn or something, and my body fell over (because I obviously couldn't control it). I thought I was dying. I thought, "This is it. I'm going to die in this van, and my dad's going to blame himself." But I obviously didn't. A few years later, it happened every night, multiple times a night. That I wasn't too fond of. Now it only happens, that I can remember, 4 or 5 times a month, but even after years of it happening, it still completely terrifies me. Probably because each time I panic and that just makes it worse. I think it would be awesome if people's bodies and their minds went to sleep at the same time and woke up at the same time, but that's seriously a fear of mine. I wouldn't even let the doctor check my reflexes as a kid because I was that terrified of not being in charge of my body.

So yeah-- we should really introduce monkeys into the wild, too. If they live in Japan, they should be able to live here. Wouldn't life be better with monkeys in the trees and dolphins in the rivers? I think it would.