Fears

First of all, I haven't addressed the issue of river dolphins. That's what the picture is about on my page. They exist, you know-- freshwater river dolphins. Some look more like salt water dolphins than others-- some are pink. Pink dolphins! For the longest time, I thought the word was actually dolophins. And by "the longest time", I mean probably a year or two ago, when I was looking it up. I mention this because I've never seen an ocean, and I have many dreams where I see creatures of the sea. Creatures like dolphins or whales, or even sharks and-- no, for the sake of Audrey, I won't mention what else-- but they're usually in the wabash river or Lake Michigan. I have lots of dreams where I'm driving on a bridge over the wabash and I see dolphins, and I think, "Wow-- dolphins! Isn't it cool how they introduced those kinds of creatures to Indiana? I think that was a great idea." And of course it makes sense, because it's a dream. But they should in Lake Michigan. It's a big enough lake. People say it would change the environment of the lake, and yes it would, but so? If river dolphins are dying out, then why not introduce them to a place that has lots of room and fish to eat? Pollution-- I'll give you that. But still. But that's not actually what this post is about. I labeled it "Fears", because a friend of mine and I were talking about the fears we have. I have fears, and then I have things that completely terrify me to the core. So, to make things brief-- here's some of the thigns that completely terrify me that I'll actually admit to:

#1- Heights: I am scared of heights. When I was about nine, my grandparents took us to a zoo. My sisters and brother went on an elephant ride, but I was too scared to. I really wished I wasn't so scared of heights so I could go on that ride with them, but still, I was scared. After the ride was over, my dad said he'd go on a giraffe ride with me. I thought, "This is my second chance!" He paid for our tickets, and we waited in line. When it was our turn, my dad got on first. I stepped up to get on, and I froze. I couldn't do it. Even after all my psyching myself up, I couldn't do it. My dad kept saying, "Charissa-- do you really think I'll let you fall?" I thought, "Not on purpose, but you'll be up there with me, so it's not exactly like you have a lot of control about the whole gravity thing." After a few minutes of people trying to get me on, they gave up, and we left. My dad said he wasn't mad about the money-- he just wanted me to get the experience. But still, it wasn't something I could do. I've been afraid of heights as long as I can remember.
It's one of those things that completely terrifies me, because I don't think it's that horrible until I'm actually there, and suddenly, I can't even move. I used to be scared of escalators for the same reason.

#2- What else completely terrifies me (that I'll actually admit to)... devils. Yes, those pictures of demons who have horns is a little scary, but I'm talking about the real ones-- the ones who can take over people's bodies or who can just appear or be evil. My worst nightmares are the ones where devils are present. For many reasons, it completely terrifies me. But I imagine they would terrify almost anyone. Maybe not.

#3- Not being in control of my body-- I have this thing where my mind tends to wake up before my body wakes up. If you've had that happen, you will probably understand how terrifying that actually is-- if you've never had it happen, it probably (or hopefully) won't ever happen to you. Everyone's body produces a chemical that paralyzes them when they're asleep so they won't act out their dreams (like sleep walk). When you're ready to wake up, your body stops producing that chemical so you can move again. My body must be a little slow, because I doubt my mind is that fast. Often I wake up and I'm not able to move or hear anyone. I can't even open my eyes. The only thing I can control is breathing. It's amazing how heavy your body feels. Usually if someone touches you, even if your in this state, the chemical will wear off and you can move again. But usually I have to try several times to break free from it, and sometimes it doesn't work, and I try to fall back to sleep. The first time this ever happened to me, I was 13. It wasn't long after my parents told us they were splitting up, and my dad took us on a trip to Utah to "spend family time". I was riding in the van, and I woke up, and I couldn't move. I remember us taking a turn or something, and my body fell over (because I obviously couldn't control it). I thought I was dying. I thought, "This is it. I'm going to die in this van, and my dad's going to blame himself." But I obviously didn't. A few years later, it happened every night, multiple times a night. That I wasn't too fond of. Now it only happens, that I can remember, 4 or 5 times a month, but even after years of it happening, it still completely terrifies me. Probably because each time I panic and that just makes it worse. I think it would be awesome if people's bodies and their minds went to sleep at the same time and woke up at the same time, but that's seriously a fear of mine. I wouldn't even let the doctor check my reflexes as a kid because I was that terrified of not being in charge of my body.

So yeah-- we should really introduce monkeys into the wild, too. If they live in Japan, they should be able to live here. Wouldn't life be better with monkeys in the trees and dolphins in the rivers? I think it would.