Haley

I saw on a friend's facebook post today a clip that shows that a person's "personal testimony is universally regarded as the weakest form of evidence", yet religions often place personal testimony as the foundation for belief. I've also seen tests that prove that a person's memory exaggerates, and often-- usually-- what a person sees isn't what actually happens. "Yet religions often place person testimony a the foundation for belief"... what a stupid thing to say. What a stupid thing to link together. I've been thinking lately how I don't think I've lived up to my end of a deal that was made. I feel I should say more than I actually do. I haven't for reasons that are too long to explain-- some might be good reasons, and some might be selfish-- but today I just have to say-- what a stupid thing for someone to write. I'm all for letting people believe what they want to believe in-- I mean-- I'm Mormon-- we believe the entire foundation of this world was based on that-- but for some reason, this segment makes me really angry. Asking somebody to jog their memory about what happened in an accident they just witnessed is completely different than compiling a lifetime of experiences-- A testimony is built the same way a relationship with a person is. You start out, you grow, you have proven to you how wrong you are about everything you previously supposed or assumed. It becomes a part of you over years of work and trust. You're not going to like everything you're going to end up believing, but you also know that it's the truth. It's been shown to you-- proven to you-- because it's constant, and never changes over time, regardless of your acceptance of it. Witnessing a accident and having a witness of the Savior-- one's a moment, and another a lifetime of experiences. I don't know about you, but I am FULLY aware of how often I'm wrong. Thank goodness my testimony isn't based off of things I see, but things I've learned. I found out today that someone I knew growing up passed away. She was 15 years old. We used to babysit her, and my friends and I were so close to that family. She had a heart condition. Many times over the years I've worried about her. I've prayed sooo much for her. She always exceeded doctor's expectations of her, and I was actually starting to believe she'd be okay. She's not. She died. But that doesn't affect my testimony. Not one bit does that affect my testimony. I understand what life's about. I understand why things like this happen. I know where she is, and I'm not worried that this family will never see their little girl again. But I'm still sad. I'm sad because she was only 15 years old, and I can't imagine knowing I was going to die and watching my one chance at this life be over. I'm sad because I know what it's like to lose someone who is completely a part of you. And I'm sad because while I'm convinced the other side isn't something I should run away from, I'm also in no hurry to get there. We spent sooo much time trying to get to this earth. We spent so much time training for our lives-- building the relationships we would need. There is so much good in this world. There's so much opportunity. If people only knew what life really was. But for her, it's over. She went first-- all of her dreams unrealized. Which I imagine will one day be my fate, if not the fate of most people on this earth. In one way my facebook friend was right-- because when I had another life and people I cared about, I had other priorities. But I can't remember that life. I only remember this one. Which is where most of our sadness in this life comes from. The way I think now is actually not how things always are. I am more than convinced of this. But I haven't come to terms with it yet, which is why tonight I mourn Haley.